There are many reasons why marriages fail. If yours is on the brink and you want an answer to the question ‘can i save my marriage,’, I have some helpful information for you.
First of all you need to honestly assess your marriage. Is there really anything left worth saving, Sometimes the answer to that is no and you have no choice but to move on. But, if you honestly feel like you still care for your spouse and that there is still a lot of love and good in your relationship, the next thing you need to do is honestly evaluate your role in the break down of your marriage.
This isn’t about placing blame, it’s about learning from past mistakes and being willing to change behaviors that were destructive to the marriage. It’s these behaviors that have brought you and your spouse to this point in the first place. If you can honestly commit to changing your bad habits you are halfway there when it comes to saving your marriage.
Next, you have to remember that you can’t force your spouse to love you, respect you, or be willing to work on your relationship. They will either be willing to work on the marriage or they won’t. And the first thing you need to do is to ask them where they stand. If they say they don’t think there is anything to salvage and they’re not willing to try than you really have no choice but to end the relationship.
If, on the other hand, after an honest and open talk you both agree that you think there is something in your relationship that can be saved, and should be saved, you do have options.
Going to a marriage counselor will make a lot of sense at this point. It will be important to have an objective third party help each of you change bad habits and develop better communication skills. Trying to do that on your own will be difficult or even impossible since you will likely feel hurt and like you are being criticized if your spouse tries to point out some of the behaviors that you have that they don’t like, and vice a versa.
One word of caution though: not all marriage counselors are created equal. Some are better than others. It may seem like a pain in the neck but you should make sure you and your spouse are comfortable with whatever counselor your choose. If you’re not, find another one.
You have to be particularly careful when choosing a religious based counseling service. While many of these counselors mean well sometimes their focus is on keeping the marriage together at all costs, but some marriages really shouldn’t be saved. Sometimes people have just grown apart, or really never had that much in common in the first place, and they just cause each other, and themselves, pain. There are some cases where marriages should just be ended.
So if you’ve ever asked the question ‘can i save my marriage,’ the answer is: maybe. It can’t be done only by you. If your spouse is willing to try to make changes in their behavior and meet you halfway than you have a good chance. If your partner says it’s all your fault and isn’t wiling to admit their part in the bad relationship and make the necessary changes than your marriage is probably already over,it’s time to move on.